How to Stay Close to Your Grandchildren When You Live Far Away: 10 Ideas from Real Grandparents

How to Stay Close to Your Grandchildren When You Live Far Away: 10 Ideas from Real Grandparents

Living far from your grandchildren is hard. You miss the everyday moments: the first wobbly steps, the school play, the sleepy cuddles at bedtime. You are far from alone, though. Families are more spread out than ever, and millions of grandparents are working out how to stay connected with grandchildren long distance.

We asked grandparents how they do it. Their answers share a theme: the bond doesn't depend on miles, it depends on effort, routine and thoughtfulness. Below are their best ideas, alongside what researchers have found about grandparenting across distance.

What the research says about long distance grandparenting

Distance changes how grandparents and grandchildren relate, but it doesn't have to weaken the bond.

A research briefing called Flying granny, skyping grandpa? Grandparenting across geographical distance and national borders by Weronika Kloc-Nowak and Sylwia Timoszuk asks whether distance and national borders make a difference in how grandparents relate and communicate with their grandchildren. It draws on a 2019–2020 nationwide survey of Polish families and examines the stereotypes of the "flying granny" who travels to visit and the "skyping grandpa" who connects by screen. gesis

A Massey University thesis, "How is distance grandparenting for you?" by Helen Ellis, interviewed eight grandparents whose families live 20 to 30 hours of travel away. It found that distance grandparenting is shaped by several interacting factors, including personal circumstances, family relationships, time zones, and cultural and language differences. It also notes that it is ever-changing and can sometimes be lonely, but most grandparents make the most of the situation and keep an upbeat outlook. masseymassey

Two lessons follow. Your situation is unique, so your approach should fit your family. And the grandparents in our survey show that staying positive and making a steady effort goes a long way.

10 ways to stay close to your grandchildren from a distance

1. Make video calls a routine, and let the kids lead

Almost every grandparent we surveyed relies on video calls. One grandparent with twins 2,000 miles away described the joy when their three-year-old asks to FaceTime and "walks around to show us what he is doing." Another grandmother said her granddaughter now recognises her on screen, chats happily and shows off her toys.

Tips for better video calls with grandchildren:

  • Set a regular slot. One respondent suggested a weekly iPad chat so children can look forward to it.
  • Be silly. One grandparent said they "sing and act very silly" on FaceTime.
  • Say yes when they ask. Once children are old enough to request a call, answer whenever you can.
  • Keep it short for little ones. Ten lively minutes beats thirty distracted ones.

2. Write letters and become pen pals

Handwritten post feels special in a digital world. One survey respondent, who is pen pals with her great-nieces, calls getting letters "the absolute highlight of our day." Her tip is to buy stamps, paper and envelopes in bulk, keep half and give half to the child. Little ones can colour a picture while a parent writes what they want to say, and soon they will be writing their own words and name.

Save everything. Years from now, those letters will be a treasure.

3. Create email accounts for memories

One grandparent had their son set up an email account for each grandchild. They send special memories and everyday thoughts, hoping the children will one day read them and "see how much we thought about them & loved them." It is a lovely, free time capsule.

4. Send small gifts and craft projects

Gifts don't need to be big. Our respondents send packages, clothes, little surprises and holiday presents. One crafty grandparent suggested sending finished projects "so they have a piece of Grandma to look at and think about." A physical object helps a child feel connected between calls.

5. Schedule regular visits, even if the schedule is modest

Visit frequency varied widely among our grandparents: twice a year, once a year, every couple of months, quarterly. What mattered was that it was planned and protected. One said Christmas and the grandchild's birthday are "non-negotiable." Another committed to visiting at least once every three months. A suggestion for those within driving range is a weekend visit every one to two months, which gives children something to look forward to.

6. Turn visits into adventures

Several grandparents said shared trips build lasting memories. One family now takes vacations together: indoor water parks, camping trips in campers, and possibly Hawaii. Another respondent advised planning a "get out of town" getaway, which "doesn't have to be to Paris," just a lake cabin, an amusement park or an Airbnb in a fun town.

7. Be there for the big days

Birthdays, holidays and milestones matter most to children. If you can't make it in person, even a live video call during the birthday party counts. One grandmother usually flies down for her grandchild's birthday week but is rethinking this year because of health issues. That is a reminder that your own wellbeing matters, and that connection can continue by phone and screen when travel isn't possible.

8. Support the parents

Your relationship with your grandchildren runs largely through their parents. Our respondents stressed checking in with their adult children, asking what the family needs and helping where they can, whether that's passing on clothes the little one has outgrown or just lending an ear. As one grandparent put it, if you make the effort, parents "should respond positively to your desire to keep in touch."

9. Stay involved online

Social media can keep you in the loop between calls. Grandparents told us they interact with the family's posts, send texts and stay in contact often. Liking, commenting and replying shows grandchildren and parents that you're paying attention.

10. Remember that every kind of grandparent counts

Our survey included step-grandparents, grandparents who live close to some grandchildren and far from others, and grandparents separated from a daughter who moved away at 17. One step-grandfather described driving his late wife's daughter to the hospital when she went into labour and having the family live with him after the birth. Biology doesn't define the bond. Showing up does.

Quick tips: your long distance grandparenting checklist

  • Pick a weekly call day and time
  • Keep a stash of stamps, paper and envelopes
  • Put birthdays and holidays in the calendar a year ahead
  • Send a small surprise every month or two
  • Share a story, joke or memory by email
  • Plan one family trip a year
  • Ask the parents what would help most

Share a story, wherever you are

Calls and letters keep you in touch, but a shared story can make the moment feel more magical. Storybooks give you and your grandchild something to read together and talk about, whether you're side by side or on a video call with matching copies.

Tototale makes personalised books that put your grandchild and you in the story:

  • Book of Grandma & Grandchild: Grandma and her grandchild fly off in a magical red balloon, brave a fiery dragon, tiptoe past a sleeping snake and cheer up a giggling whale. You add the child's name and what they call their grandma, and you can customise how each character looks.
  • Grandad and Grandchild Book: Grandad and his grandchild love making things together. They find a secret door to a magical land where they build wooden gifts for a funny monster, a lonely strawman and a giant baobab tree. It is personalised with both names and customisable images.

Both are a nice way to mark a birthday or Christmas, or to start a new reading routine, and a lovely keepsake the child can return to long after the call ends.

Final thoughts

Distance doesn't have to mean disconnection. Whether you live 15 minutes, 12 hours or an ocean away, the grandparents we surveyed show that regular contact, thoughtful gestures and showing up for the big moments keep the bond strong. As the research suggests, distance grandparenting is different for every family. Find the mix that works for yours.

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